You win some, you lose some.

Oct 9, 2011 By Sharon Feliciano in geek girls

A few days ago Kitty overheard me talking about the masquerade taking place at this weekend’s Geek Girl Con. After peppering me with questions about what a masquerade was, she asked if she could “finally” dress as Buffy. After two years of steering her in a more child-friendly Halloween costume direction, I conceded that if there was a group of people who were going to appreciate (instead of being appalled at) a preschooler dressed as a teenage vampire slayer it would be the Masquerade Audience at Geek Girl Con.

The costume was simple to put together, a “mini” skirt, and a hooded sweater vest from her closet were a good age-appropriate approximation of what Buffy would frequently fight the vamps in. I bought her a pair of shiny black boots that we will paint and repurpose for Halloween and a cheap costume cross. We made a stake from floral foam and paper mache. Kitty practiced her staking and kicking and off we went.

As soon as we got to the con I knew there would be stiff competition in the kids’ category. We ran into an absolutely adorable young Dr. Horrible with his sister dressed in a sweet interpretation of Captain Hammer. The caliber of costumes of the kids in line with us was AMAZING. Their mom-made costumes were intricate and awesome. The kids spent time backstage playing with their accessories and having a great time.

When the show started moms started reminding their kids about their “moves” and we all cheered loudly for each child. Every single one of them rocked the stage, making their costumed personas come to life. It was adorable.

Then it was time to announce the winners. We had told Kitty that we were proud of her, that she did great, and that she needed to cheer loudly for whichever of her new friends won, even if it wasn’t her. Then it happened…it *wasn’t* her, and she totally freaked the eff out. She was crying, loudly. At first it was kinda sad and adorable, a little mini Buffy crying onto her patent boots, stake in hand. It was understandable. At four years old losing is hard. Then as it went on it quickly became not cute. We explained to her that it was okay, that not everyone could win, that she should be happy for the girl who won, whose costume she had admired backstage. She was still sobbing, whining that “I wanted a prize”. At that point the response from me was “You didn’t win so you don’t get a prize. Take a breath and pull yourself together, you need to be a gracious loser”.

It was like this, except not as cute.

As people filtered out of the auditorium and we sat there, holding tear-stained Kitty, people offered their congratulations and compliments. But more than one of them said the same thing: “ALL the kids should get prizes”. I appreciate the sentiment, I do. It’s hard to see little ones upset about something they were excited about (a tiny Princess Leia, the only other contestant as young as Kitty was also crying over her loss) but what do our kids learn if they always win? I’d rather Kit experience losing and have her meltdown over the disappointment of her first big loss now when it’s developmentally appropriate. If we let all the kids win, victory is meaningless. And frankly, the kid who won had a better costume and put on an awesome stage show, she deserved the win.

As parents we work so hard to teach our kids to be fair, be kind and be polite. Losing is a fantastic opportunity to reinforce those lessons. It’s really, really hard to be a gracious loser, but it’s a skill we all must learn. Making every kid a winner isn’t a great way to prepare kids for real life. Most adults will experience more “losses” than “wins”. No one wants to see a grown woman sobbing because she couldn’t find jeans in her size on sale or an executive throwing a fit because she didn’t land a deal (though that actually does happen…).

We went home, we had celebratory banana splits, and when someone later that night asked her about her experience she said “I had fun, and I jumped around, but I didn’t win.” without even a hint of sadness. She got over losing, just like we all learn to.

In Memoriam: Steve Jobs

Oct 6, 2011 By Sharon Feliciano in Uncategorized

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. – Apple Inc.

I remember the first time I sat down in front of a computer that wasn’t in my school computer lab. I sat there, perplexed as I looked desperately for the Apple key.

I was part of the first generation of school children to have a computer lab in our school. Thanks to the generosity (and marketing genius) of Jobs/Apple, many kids in the mid-eighties grew up learning how to compute using an Apple computer. My father was an IBM programmer at the time, but the lack of affordable home computer options meant that his oldest daughter would do her first word processing, Print Shopping and ascii art (and later layout the high-school newspaper) on the competition’s equipment.

I’m not a big Apple fan today – I tend to lean more towards open source options – but Job’s affect on technology development isn’t lost on me.

I hope his family is able to find a small comfort in the fact that Jobs’ innovations are part of most Americans’ daily lives. He made a huge mark in this world and will live on in a way that few of us ever will.

Funny Book Friday: A Parent’s Guide to Teen Titans #1

Sep 30, 2011 By Sharon Feliciano in comics, parent's guide

Welcome to my new column! In Funny Book Friday I’ll review a comic (either a single issue or a trade) and post my thoughts, including a Parent’s Guide with possibly objectionable material listed – things that I may or may have not found to be inappropriate, but feel that some parents may want to be aware of. And because I think that comic books are FANTASTIC for kids and their parents to read together I’ll a include list of questions you and your kids can discuss together. Have a Family Comic Book Club and have everyone read the same book over the course of a week and then talk about it over dinner, it’ll be fun!

Teen Titans #1
Written by: Scott Lobdell
Drawn by: Brett Booth.
Published Monthly by DC Comics

For my first Funny Book Friday I wanted to read something that was totallly new to me, but still appropriate for at least a teenaged reader and so I figured I’d go for something in DC’s New 52. My pals at Arcane Comics recommended and provided me a copy of Teen Titans #1.

I’m not a big DC reader, I wanted to use their recent reboot to discover some of the books my readers, friends and colleagues have been talking about for years. Outside of the gorgeous All-Star Superman and mind-blowing Red Son, I am pretty clueless about most of the characters and goings on in the DC universe. You all may know what the deal with Tim Drake and Kid Flash are, but I’ve only ever heard of them in passing. I’m truly coming at these reintroduced characters with very little knowledge about them, and experiencing them the way only a first time reader could.

This book is clearly a first issue. Most of the content is character introduction and exposition. You know how when you go back to watch the pilot of an established TV show and it’s weird because characters that have become more nuanced over 5 seasons seem like characitures of themselves? I’m hoping that this book goes in this direction. There’s a lot of potential for the characters and plot they introduced but right now it’s a lot of exposition and introductions. I expect the next few issues to follow in that vein as the rest of the Teen Titans team is introduced. The writing is snappy enough to show promise, and the mysteries introduced piqued my interest. I could definitely see kids getting into this,especially as a first foray into the more complex characters and story telling that can be found in more mature comics. I’m sure those already familiar with Teen Titans have a better idea about where this is going than a brand new reader like me, but from a first time reader’s perspective it was clear enough to not confuse me, but mysterious enough that I left the first issue eager to find out what happens next.

Parent’s Guide:
Age Appropriateness: This book is rated Teen. Besides the use of a single mild curse word and some flagrant disregard for authority it’s pretty mild. I’d let Nate (age 11) read this one with a bit of guidenance.
Things to look out for: One mention of the word “ass” as in “That kid is acting like an ass” (not a direct quote, but in that same context), a teen driving what is implied to be a stolen car, a teen disregarding a firefighter’s instructions, a teen blowing up his apartment to escape a villain.
Talking Points: Why does Kid Flash behave the way he does? What is he trying to accomplish? What do you think Red Robin’s goal is? How does Cassie feel about her powers and why do you think she feels that way? What did you think of the ending? What do you think will happen next?

Have a suggestion for a book for Funny Book Friday? Leave it in the comments or email me at sharon(at)ParentingGeekly.com